People are different. Fact. No, I mean really different. What may appear a work of art to one is just a piece of junk to another. One persons Monet is another’s out of focus painting. Although some people have similar tastes and might even share many of the same likes and dislikes the sofa always sorts the milk from the cows.

Why is this? It’s because everyone’s sofa means something different. To some it’s a fashion statement, to some it’s a sanctuary, some people spend their life on the sofa while others only watch the 10 o’clock news on it. Hell, some people probably only screw on the sofa.

So here’s a few things you can learn from someone’s sofa:

The untouched, pristine, no-shoes-to-be-worn-while-on-the-carpet sofa.

You all know this sofa, and this household. It’s run by someone who would have told Hitler off for not brushing his teeth. The head of the house is most definitely female and the MOST IMPORTANT THING is law and order. Not for any purpose, simply so they can live an ‘ordered’ and ‘lawful’ life. No shoes worn inside the house, no food eaten on the sofa. In fact, all pleasure from eating has been removed from life due to the over-riding fear of dropping/spilling food on the carpet.

The multi-coloured throw over the sofa from Africa (but bought in Ikea).

This is the province of the stoner, the retired hippy, or student. The throw is bright and gaudy and is designed to show how multi-cultural the owner is. How terribly free spirited they are, and how in touch with other cultures they are. Note – the throw will probably be the one on special offer from Ikea. In reality, seeing the throw just reminds the owner how pathetically futile their existence is every time they look at it. Still, at least it brightens the room up.

The beat-up, ragged, mis-treated sofa. Burn marks and stains mandatory.

This is the REAL sofa that the traveller owns. It’s been slept on by any number of different types of people, many of them at the same time. There are burn marks from the joints that have been rolled and stains from all manner of substances, most illegal. This is the sofa Jack Kerouac would own. It is, however, not very comfortable.

The expensive, couture piece of art. I mean you can sit on it if you must.

But if you ARE doing to sit on it darling, please be sure to perch on the edge – allowing your back to touch the upright cushion is simply not allowed. Like everything in the owners life, the sofa is primarily for form rather than function. The same probably holds for the owners reproductive organs. Rarely used but well trimmed.

I once defeated [insert evil gaming villain here] with my hackmaster +8 sitting right here!

The refuge of the hardcore gamer, this sofa gets some serious use and it’s user is probably lugging a few extra pounds too. There’ll be a dent in the middle of the sofa and a wii remote and wires EVERYWHERE. Most likely you’ll also find crumbs and half-eaten packets of dorritos. Sit anyway you like, put your feet up, eat cookies, make crumbs JUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T CHANGE ANY OF THE GAME SETTINGS. Losing the owner 14hours work, erasing their custom button presses and over-writing their last 3 save points will earn you a place in their little black book. You don’t want to get in the little black book. Trust me.